Wish You were Here

There were teabags all over the table錛嶪 didn't have anything else that would have done the job錛嶪 don't wear hats錛嶰n the back of our wedding photo I had listed the names of places all around England and the world錛嶦dinburgh, New York, Brighton錛嶱aris, Sydney, London and many others錛嶵aking a pair of nail scissors, I had cut up all of the names into tiny pieces until there were more than 20 slivers of our wedding day in front of me錛嶪 scraped all of them off the table and into the empty teabag box錛嶪 shock the box about a bit and closed my eyes錛嶏紞don't ask me why錛嶏紞and picked out a sharp slice of photo錛嶪 looked at the picture side first錛嶢 bit of white puffy meringue wedding dress was evident, but nothing else錛嶪'm surprised there was room in any of the pictures for Neil錛?

銆?銆? I put the photo segment on the table, wedding dress up, grabbed one of the teabags from the pile and made myself a cup of tea錛嶪 didn't have to rush into revealing the place name錛嶪 had all day錛嶢fter my cup of tea I had a slice of toast, burnt, just how I like it, with jam錛嶴till the sliver lay on the table, next to the teabags錛嶪 finished my toast and brushed the crumbs from my sweatshirt onto the floor錛嶪'd vacuum before I left in the morn ing錛嶪 stood up, then sat down, then stood up again and walked over to the near錛峞mpty wardrobe, just to check I hadn't forgotten anything錛?/P>

銆?銆? I decided then to throw out all of the pieces of wedding photo that had not been lucky enough to be selected on this occasion錛嶪 took the teabag box to the bin and emptied the contents into it錛嶣its of photo fell, some managed to hit their target, other bits fluttered twisting and turning like those helicopter seeds I played with as a child, on to the bedroom floor錛嶪 closed my eyes and didn't want to see any place names that may have landed upwards錛嶣y a process of elimination I could have been able to work out what the name waiting on the table was and the whole mission would have to be aborted again錛嶣ecause I'd already done this twice last night and both times I'd had to abort錛?/P>

銆?銆? This morning I found the top of Neil's head with Manchester written on the back of it in between my toes錛嶪 took it as a sign and left it out of the teabag box list錛嶵he photo that Neil's head had come from had been one of the two of us on a tandem during a break to Holland錛嶹hen the photo had been whole you could see enjoyment over Neil's face, whilst my saddle錛峴ore pain couldn't help but show through錛嶪t was one of the many differences I should have realized we had from the start錛嶯eil always was an outdoors type of guy, always up for a spot of cycling, hiking or rock錛峜limbing錛?/P>

銆?銆? I had tried so hard to join in with everything he enjoyed錛嶩e had wanted to sample orienteering and I just couldn't get to grips with that錛嶪 had to draw the line somewhere so I told him to go along on his own to join the local group that met every Thursday錛嶪 encouraged him that it would be good to have something for himself錛嶩e did錛嶩e had the wife of the instructor錛?/P>

銆?銆? I found an aqua錛峜oloured thong hanging over the lampshade one day when I came in from work錛嶪t did not belong to me錛嶪 didn't do thongs錛嶪 couldn't cycle, hike and everything else Neil and I seemed to partake in, wearing a thong錛嶴o it could only have meant one of two things錛嶏紞Neil had at last found himself an indoor pastime, albeit a strange one, or else there was another woman錛嶪 left, Karen moved in錛嶪nto a life of greeny錛峠rey holidays錛?/P>

銆?銆? I had always liked the beach and thought of Neil's ideal holiday as greeny錛峠rey錛嶪t didn't matter if the sun didn't shine while you were hiking in the Lake District錛嶏紞in fact, a light rain made it all the more exhilarating錛嶪 yearned for the bright blues, yellows and reds of a beach holiday, but just watching the world go by had never really been Neil's bag錛?/P>

銆?銆? So I was a little surprised to get the postcard when it arrived錛嶪t showed the rear view of a very sun錛峵anned man, glistening with oil, standing on a perfect beach wearing only a golden thong錛嶩e had his hands on his hips錛嶪t had arrived two weeks ago and had read, 'Emma錛嶩ouse sold, money in bank錛嶩aving a great time here in Mallorca錛嶯eil錛嶱S Karen says Hello錛?No kisses錛?/P>

銆?銆? The money was indeed in the bank錛嶪 had a substantial amount in my new single name bank account錛嶪 suppose one way that I could look upon my six years with Neil was as a kind of complicated saving scheme錛?/P>

銆?銆? I had just let Neil take over absolutely everything when we got married, he even decided whereabouts we should live錛嶪 wanted old and run down, he wanted new, purpose錛峛uilt and convenient錛?/P>

銆?銆? I had no emotional attachment to our little starter home and no qualms when I had left the house錛嶬aren and Neil had waved me off from the doorway錛嶪 realised as I looked at them waving that I had very little emotional attachment to Neil really, so I'm not sad or sorry for myself, just a little lacking in direction錛嶪 savoured my third slice of burnt toast錛嶏紞with jam錛嶏紞and pushed the tiny segment of photo around and around the table with my buttery finger錛?/P>

銆?銆? Whatever the name place written on the back of this photo錛峠raph was where I would be heading this time tomorrow錛嶪'd just wash this plate up first錛嶵here was still plenty of time錛?BR>  

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