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英語搞笑話劇劇本
英語搞笑話劇劇本（一）
從前，一個巫婆有一雙臭腳，人們都很討厭。所以，她想找一個人換掉她的雙腳。
有一天她來到"香國" .她發(fā)現(xiàn)，人人都有雙香腳。一天王子午睡，巫婆用自己的臭腳換了王子的香腳。
有一位公主，她總是失眠。雖然國王和王后在嘗試了很多方法，她還不能睡覺。國王和王后陛下非常擔心自己的女兒。
最后，他們就發(fā)現(xiàn)了一個方法：每當公主無法入睡，她只需要嗅覺王子的臭腳，然后她將睡得很好。
最后王子和公主很幸福的生活在一起。
人物
Ada: Little girl
Candy: Queen
Evander: King
Evelyn
Joel: Prince
Rita: Singer /Woman
Yilina: Witch
Summary
Once upon a time…A witch had a pair of stinky feet. They were very disgusting. So, she wanted to find a person to change her feet.
And one day she flied to "Fragrance Country". She found everyone there had a pair of fragrant feet. And the prince had the most fragrant pair of feet. The prince took a nap and snored under the tree. At that time, the witch exchanged her own stinky feet with the prince’s fragrant feet.
There was a princess who couldn’t sleep in "Beauty Country". Although the king and the queen tried many methods, she still couldn’t sleep. The king and the queen were very worried about their daughter.
And then, they discovered a perfect method for the princess to fall asleep: Whenever the princess couldn’t sleep, she only had to smell the prince’s stinky feet, and then she would sleep very well. In the end, the prince and the princess lived happily together.
SCENE I
�。∣ne afternoon, a girl, Ada, is reading a book）
Ada: Oh~ what an interesting story! Once upon a time…A witch had a pair of stinky feet. They smelt worse than stinky tofu. They were very disgusting. So, she wanted to find a person to change her feet.
Ada: And one day she flied to "Fragrance country". She found everyone there had a pair of fragrant feet. And the prince had the most fragrant pair of feet. The prince took a nap and snored under the tree.
Witch: （screaming and laughing and dancing）I’m the most perfect witch who has both beauty and intelligence. More and more people fall for my…my … feet! Oh no, my feet! I’m such a charming witch, but why do my feet stink so much? Everyone faints when they smell my feet. The smell of my feet can kill mice. Oh, I don’t want to live. I want to fly away!
（Flying to the Fragrance country）
Witch: （Crying） I hate my feet! I hate my feet! （in a low voice） Ha-ha, what’s the smell? It smells so sweet. （Searching） Oh. What a handsome boy. （Come closer and take a deep breath） Oh, oh, oh, why do his feet have such a sweet smell? It’s just not fair! （Angrily） Not fair! Look, he’s sleeping and snoring. Let me exchange my feet with his! （Doing magic and laughing loudly） Oh, my feet. You smell so sweet! Now I’m really the most charming witch. （Fly away）
Prince: （Asleep and dreaming） Oh! What a beautiful girl you are! You are my only one – my dear princess.
Prince: （Wake up!） Oh~ what’s wrong? What a bad smell!! The room smells of stinky tofu. Is it my table? My hand? My chair? My head? Or my window? Oh no! It’s my feet. I have a pair of stinky feet. How did it happen? （Hold on to his head.）（Run away） I can’t believe it!
-
SCENE II
�。═he prince is walking and sees some crows on the way.）
Prince: Oh~ there are many crows.
Crow A: Please go away…
Crow B: Quickly! It’s full of bad smell here.
Crows: We are going to die, because your feet are too disgusting.
Prince: Oh! I am so sorry…My feet cause you much trouble…Sorry~!
（Prince continues to walk. He sees some flowers.）
Prince: Hum~ I like the perfume of flowers.
Flower A: Oh! I can’t live without fresh air.
Flower B: Keep your feet far away from us, please.
Flowers: Your feet are too disgusting.
Prince: Why does everyone dislike me? I am so sad and I am sorry for making you feel bad.
�。≒rince continues to walk.）
Prince: What can I do? I want my sweet-smelling feet back.
（Many strangers are buying from vendors on the road.）
Stranger A: Did you step in something? Check your shoes.
Stranger B: Oh! Don’t talk nonsense.
Stranger C: I know where that bad smell comes from. It’s him.
Strangers: Just get lost! Dirty man!
Prince: Oh I’m sorry. I’m not a dirty man. My feet are really disgusting.
�。≒rince continues to walk.）
-
SCENE III
Ada: There was a princess who couldn’t sleep in "Beauty country."
Although king and queen tried many methods, she still couldn’t sleep.
Ada: The king and the queen are very worried about their daughter. Then, they finally found a perfect solution after several trials and failures…
（In the palace.）
Queen: I am the queen!
King: Of course I am the king!
Queen: You never care about your daughter!!!
King: So…what happened to our baby?
Queen: My dear daughter can’t sleep!
King: So…what can we do?
�。≦ueen brings many kinds of pills to her daughter.）
King: Oh~my dear, just take them all.
Princess: Take them all? Are you sure?
King: Yes!
Princess: （Take medicine） I still can’t sleep me still can’t sleep!
（Try another method.）
King: Hey my dear! Dad teaches you a good way to fall sleep: Counting Sheep.
Princess: 1 sheep 2 sheep 3 sheep ……
�。═ry a third method.）
Queen: I know a girl with a beautiful voice. Maybe she can make our daughter sleep.
King: Yes yes! （Open the door） Is she the one? （See Ada）
Queen: Oh~no!
King: Is she the one?
Queen: Of course! Please start singing!
Rita: I am a magic singer. （Clean the throat.） Can I start to sing?
Rita: Baby sleep. Baby sleep. Baby hurry to sleep. Everybody sing with me…
Princess: Shut up! Get out of here!!
King: I think these methods are not good ideas. We’ll think of better ideas.
Queen: Hum…I have an idea…maybe we can……
King: You can say that again.
Queen: Let’s get ready.
�。↘ing and queen are preparing …）
Princess: Daddy! Mommy! It’s time to sleep! Don’t forget to take medicine.
（King and queen are disguised as ghosts in order to scare the princess to sleep.）
King: Oh, no! It didn’t work. Maybe we should get help from people.
Queen: OK! （Point to Ada） You just do it. Go out on the streets and find some help.
-
SCENE IV
�。≒rince walks in the Beauty Country and looks at a crowd of people. Some people try to make the princess sleep.）
Prince: （To himself.） A woman among the crowd: I’ve tried several ways and still they didn’t work! I think I can make the princess sleep! Can I try?
King & Queen: Yes! It’s our pleasure. Please try.
Prince: Thank you! （Take his shoes off and put his feet in front of the princess’s face.） Sorry! My dear princess!
Princess: Oh! Your feet smell so awful. I can’t breathe and I want to sleep.
King & Queen: Oh no! My dear~ What happened to you? Don’t scare us!
（King touches her nose to check if the princess breathes.）
King: She’s still breathing. She just fell asleep.
�。≦ueen hugs the Princess.）
Queen: Thank you! Oh, thank God! My dear baby finally fell asleep.
King: （To the prince.） Oh! Thank you! We are very lucky to meet you.
Prince: I can’t believe it! My disgusting feet have magic power!!
Queen: Oh! Don’t say that! They are not disgusting at all. Congratulations! You are going to marry my dear daughter.
King: Yes! This is a happy ending.
Ada: Whenever the princess couldn’t sleep, all she had to do was to smell the prince’s stinky feet. And then, she would sleep very well. In the end, the prince and the princess lived happily together.
英語搞笑話劇劇本（二）
旁白：話說梁山伯和祝英臺59年前一同來到剛剛成立的吉林農(nóng)業(yè)大學學習英語。梁山伯酷愛口語師從口語老師鄧大付學習美國口語，尤其擅長模仿馬丁"路德"金的演講。（旁白暫停，鄧英文"I have a dream "）。祝英臺一心夢想出國，夢想有朝一日成為BBC主持人（旁白暫停，祝英文"this is BBC…）最終祝英臺以托福和GRE高分的成績被哥倫比亞大學錄取。在祝英臺臨走的那一天，梁山伯十八里相送在天河機場與祝英臺纏綿告別。
L: Yingtai ,I love you so much and I’ll miss you so much.!
Z: I love you, too! Don’t worry. Shanbo I only love you in this wild world. I’ll marry you as soon as I’m back. Wait for me just for two years.
L: I’ll kiss you across the Pacific Ocean.
Z: I’ll kiss you from the other side. Wait for me. BoBo
旁白：一周以后，祝英臺從美國打來越洋電話。
L:Oh, Sweetie, Yintai I miss you so much, miss you every minute every second. Oh my dear. Are you listening to me?
Z: Listen, Liang Shanbo. I’m calling to tell you that I loved you. But I think you’d better find a better girl.
L: What? Pardon?
Z: Because I’ll get married.
L: Married ? to who?
Z: To 英俊瀟灑風流倜儻玉樹臨風的Ma Wencai He is so handsome. So rich, even richer than Yu Minhong. And he is good at 葵花寶典。I love his money and I love his body.
L: What are you talking about? You wait and see. I’ll give you some color to see see. I’ll kill you! I will kill you in America!
Z: America? You can come to America? Hahahaha
旁白：祝英臺的無端背叛深深傷害了梁山伯脆弱的心靈，他發(fā)下毒誓：不殺祝英臺誓不為人。于是重新來到新東方書院學習托福和GRE.當然他沒有忘記用老生證可以優(yōu)惠20塊錢。為了能飛越重洋去殺掉祝英臺，他每天提醒自己有一個夢想。
I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and lives out the true meaning of its creed: We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal. I have a dream that one day I will kill Zhu Yingtai right in America. It is a dream that deeply rooted in my heart. In my heart.
旁白：一年之后，梁山伯也來到了美國，四處尋找祝英臺的下落。終于在紐約街頭找到他當年的愛人祝英臺，而她正和馬文才卿卿我我。
L:Zhu Yingtai, long time no see, huh? Who am I ? I’m Liang Shanbo. I’m here to kill you.
Z: Liang…shanbo. Oh, Wencai. He is crazy. He will kill me.
M: You! Get out of here.
L: You! Get out of here!
M: 電話來了。Hello, I’m in wuhan. Ok ok I’ll come right now
Z: Please don’t go. Just stay, please. He’ll kill me.
M: I know! But if I stay, he’ll kill me by the way
Z: You told me you were good at 葵花寶典？
M: Sorry, I’m not good at 葵花寶典。 I’m just good at 新華字典。
Z: Oh,you liar. Just get out of here!! （to Liang Shanbo） Oh,darling, you must kill me?
L: Yes, I have to. Because I hate you more than I can say.
Z: （sing）When we were young, we listened to the MP三， you said you’d love me forever. Don’t kill me,ok? Shanbo. I qiu qiu ni
L: No door! （sing） Where you go, whatever you say, I’ll be right here killing you. I only know I was born to love you or to kill you. Now I can’t love you, the only choice is to kill you.
Z: 曾經(jīng)Once upon a time, there was a true love in front of me, I didn’t cherish it.If I was to meet him again, I wish to say I love you. If you would ask me how long I would love him, I should say ten thousand years. That man is you The only man I love in this wild world is you. Only you.（sing）
L: The only woman I want to kill is on-ly you!!
Z: Please, you know I love you. I love you just like laoshu ai dami. I want to marry you.
L: hehehe Really?
Z: Oh, of course. Please don’t kill me!!!!
L: To kill or not to kill is a question. I don’t know. Who can tell me? I put her life in your hands. Everybody here, please tell me kill or not kill?
（to kill）
L: You hear this. I ‘m sorry. But don’t worry , I’ ll go to heaven together with you.
Z: All right kill me, then we’ll become two butterflies in the beautiful garden（sing）
�。╯ing）
Z: 親愛的你別殺我
殺了我你也沒有好結(jié)果
L: 親愛的我也不想殺
可是大家非得要我殺
呵呵呵呵，呵呵呵呵呵呵！
英語搞笑話劇劇本（三）
旁白（Aside ）/介紹（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, "Yingzheng". But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
太子丹（上，掏出鏡子梳頭，做自戀狀）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? （畫外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高興狀） Thank u mirror! （面對觀眾） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? （向幕里大叫） Where is my minister?
阿三（畢恭畢敬） : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me "my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan"!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作殺狀）
太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世紀最需要的是什么，人才！這句話要跟觀眾交流，最好由觀眾來回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做贊許狀） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.
Action II
�。ā妒媛穹分袆⒌氯A&金成武決斗時的音樂）
荊軻
Are you Li mochou?
李莫愁
Yes.
荊軻
OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.
李莫愁
Are you challenging me?
荊軻
Off course! 聳聳肩表示同意
李莫愁
Come on!
音樂起
兩人沖上前來
"人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，兩刀砍死你啊…"
李莫愁倒地
荊軻大笑
李莫愁痛苦狀：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
荊軻： We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （贏一個人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.
荊軻再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to "How are you"?
荊柯：Sure!
太子丹：How are you?
荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹暈倒
荊柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name card, please?
荊軻從兜里掏出一卷紙，上面寫著：
To be or not to be, that's a question.
阿三：Hero,we need your help.
荊柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荊柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荊柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三（手指上場的美女，激動狀）： Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say OK., she is yours.
荊柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荊柯； Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
觀眾甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.
荊柯（激動）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？難道你真的想要嗎……
�。ā禢o matter》音樂起，荊軻先與阿三跳探戈，擁入懷中，又甩出去，阿三做嘔吐狀。然后荊軻與太子丹跳倫巴，最后太子丹擺一個女性化的造型，向后彎腰并抬其中一條腿，荊軻做調(diào)戲狀。）
荊柯（誠懇狀） Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
太子丹與阿三（撞胯，擊掌）Yeah!
Action Ш
�。ā洞笤捨饔巍分黝}曲響起）
荊珂挽著妻子，太子丹，阿三在后。
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
荊珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
�。ㄌ拥�，阿三下。停頓�！短┨鼓峥颂枴分黝}曲起，荊軻與妻子做Jack和rose在船頭的經(jīng)典造型，忽然荊軻看到一個美女——此時一個中國古典美女經(jīng)過，向荊軻拋媚眼，并拋下定情手絹。荊軻高興的盯著美女看，妻子發(fā)覺不對，扭過頭來。）
荊珂（急忙收斂）：Darling, I love you.
妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救贖》）
荊珂（流淚） :I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. （哪怕是世界末日我都會愛著你，選自《飄》）
妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.
荊珂（欲走還留，執(zhí)子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor… promise me you will survive… that you will never give up… no matter what happens… no matter how hopeless… promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克號沉船時，Jack對Rose的傾訴）。
妻子："I promise."
荊軻："Never let go. "
妻子："I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荊軻的發(fā)音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克號》的臺詞。）
妻子努力擠出幾滴眼淚，
荊珂上船，漸漸遠去
妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……
妻子（掏出手機撥號，阿三接手機）： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
阿三：Okay okay!
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng
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